Sha Elektra

i miss her too ):

i miss alot of people and im gg to be open about it now or never. i'l choose now
i miss mahathir and mikhail, alot. its not because of what happened but i miss them because of what we used to have as a trio. omfg all those fun times are you kidding me? now when i see our separate lives, of cos im happy seeing all of you happy but mahathir is upset because of you know what. i know he misses her badly. hey you, get back with him! he is a rare catch okay. i know i did alot of bad things. alot of bad things to you all and i even lost count to how many times i apologised but i learnt something from this. sometimes when you lose someone, its not guaranteed that you'l have second chances to have them back

on my way home today, i decided to stone there for no apparent reason. so i sat there and i watched the people in the bus stop across the street, anxiously waiting for the next bus to come so they could go home to their families, or go and have dinner. and i watched bus after bus go past with people, waiting to reach their respective destinations. and i watched fairsians standing outside my school, waiting for their parents to pick them up. everyone seemed to be waiting for something. and i realised i was waiting too. for divine intervention perhaps. for a miracle that i will be one fine chick. for something to happen. for motivation to hit me. for tears of frustration to come rolling down my cheeks so i could feel better. for someone to come and save me. for anything really. and i sat there. and i waited. and nothing came

im rly upset. i havent felt this way for a very long time. i want to be the screaming out loud retarded netballer with so much energy that people cant keep up with. i want to keep smiling until my cheeks hurt like how i used to. i dont want feel this way because i know and i need to move on from this. all of this disturbs me. even the smallest things that can make me happy and put a smile on face dont work anymore. i was generally a happy kid with not much to worry about, now im staggering. i just need things to be a lil bit better. im not asking for a 360 change. i just want situations to be a lil bit better, just enough for me to start smiling both on the inside and the outside. thats all im asking for i swear. oh god if police had 999 for emergencies, whats your number then? i need to talk to god, whoever he is rahhhhhhh