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Nothing much happened during the stayover. I'd rather be alone at some point, especially the fried rice part. So embarrassing. Other than that, it's a record breaker for yours truly. I had 6 sleepless nights in a row. I am so tired. Tired of everything that you & I have built. Am I really that depressing? If so, I'm not entirely to blame. Just look around me. My family is fucked up. Wait. Family? I understand that whatever that does not kill me makes me stronger but I'm sure everyone has inhibitions. I have reached mine and I don't know what else to expect from myself anymore.

Life is bigger, it's bigger than you and you are not me. The lengths that I will go to the distance in your eyes. Oh I said too much. I set it up. That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight losing my religion. Trying to keep up with you and I don't know if I can do it. Oh no I said too much. I haven't said enough. I thought I heard you laughing. I thought that I heard you sing. I think I thought I saw you trying. Every whisper of waking hour, I'm choosing my confessions. Trying to keep an eye on you like a hurt, lost and blinded fool. Oh no I said too much. I set it up. Consider this, the hint of the century. Consider this, the slip that brought me to my knees failed. What if all these fantasies come flailing around? Now I've said too much. But that was just a dream. That was just a dream. x