LIKE BIRD STEALING BREAD

Sat 6th Feb 09: Cab, checkered shirt, Ion, smoke, Sabrina, walk, smoke, Bev & Chris, Cuscaden, chicken wings, Ikhsan, ear studs, thigh-grabbing, Jaz, excited, haha, lame, more chicken wings, cab, Zirca, guest list, Putri, atm machine, danced, MGMT Kids, danced danced danced, MSTRKRFT Heartbreaker, smoke, happy people, Meow less than 1 metre from me omg sorry am a stalker, danced, more thigh-grabbing, danced, smoke, 7-11, danced, mad pissed or sad whatever, Mcdees, Riverside, smoke, roll eyes, Ikhsan lending his ears, fragmented thoughts abt love, it was necessary, cup noodles @ 645am, home, crashed, left my id card in Jaz's wallet. Tragic.


I know this has no link but I don't know why I am not picking up the damn broken noticeboard and just dump it into the huge dumpster even though it hurts each time I catch a glimpse of it laying there beside my room door. Probably feeling the excruciating pain if it was a living thing. I just refuse to touch it. It just irks me. I think what saddens me the most is my memory bank. I recalled having to lug that shit around after buying it from Ikea two years ago, taking cab and wasting $12 cos I did not want to take the bus... All I wanted was to hurry reach home cos I have not slept the entire night and I like brand new things. I couldn't wait to do something to it.

I recalled painstakingly painting the frame cream so it would match my room, grandpa helping me with the hammering of nail to the wall (I wanted to do it but he thought I wasn't man enough but he was so cute, srsly) and then he got me a cream cotton ribbon thingy to hang it and all of it would match perfectly. I will keep on rearranging, collating and pasting new pictures of loved ones once every two or three months. When I feel a little under the weather, often I will look at it and instantaneously it will cheer me up while reminiscing those times. And then you came along. Just as excited, I meticulously pasted our instax pictures together and drawings that came straight from my fragile heart with utmost sincerity. And all I've got now is this blank space on my wall.

I know it might not matter a lot but it feels like something just awkwardly detached itself from me and my heart feels empty. I know I will be fine. Doesn't even matter if I get hit like the noticeboard too (Hey I grew up in an abusive childhood, so no sweat. Physical pain is like eating cotton candy) but honestly, I don't like the process of going back to my comfortable self. Such a chore :(