VULNERABILITY

I had a really bad dream this morning. I don't usually remember my dreams but I guess this was more of a nightmare. S died. And like no one cared. My friends were like laughing and my family was nowhere in sight. Then I was like still able to communicate with S through my phone (but he died right) which is creepy but I was like thankful cos I love him too much you see and that was the only way I could talk to him. Then we were like talking then suddenly the line got cut off and I was so afraid and in my dreams I was crying and the next thing I knew I woke up and I was, well, crying like crazy. I just wish he knows that I want to see him so badly right now. I still feel shitty. Not only about the stupid nightmare but so many other things. Why are the most important people in my life not with me whenever I need them the most? It's not only about the good times man.